Potty Time NOW! or whenever

I just got done at the burn clinic. Shea insists she needs to go potty. Right now. Can't wait. University Hospital is a happy little maze of skinny hallways, and too small signs. Can't find the bathroom. We finally find a little hole looking bathroom and try to open the door. It's locked. I keep jiggling and shaking the handle until it dawns on me that perhaps it is a one person only bathroom and some unsuspecting person may not feel comfortable about the frustrated door knob turns and 3 year old fist banging. Quickly we walk away like we didn't just freak somebody out. We hit the elevator button and get on with what I think is probably the scariest looking man in the hospital. Not too hard to do since I am usually suspicious of all old men, who are by themselves with scary dirty white beards, and holy flannel shirts. The elevator takes it's sweet time and I'm getting nervous about Shea. She is only 3 after all. When the door opens, Shea runs out as I am adjusting Jumbostroller to turn around and back our way out. I back right into someone in a wheel chair and stumble slightly on his feet-which are in casts. Nice. So I hurry to get out of their way so they can get around me down the hall. Turns out I went about hurrying the wrong way because they were trying to get onto the elevator where I was completely blocking them. So poor cast man gets thrusted forward by wheelchair driver and gets his legs almost stuck between the doors as they close. Thankfully Kindscaryman was there to catch the door and help him inside. What a nice fellow. Not like Thoughtlessmomlady running rampant through the hospital with Jumbostroller and potty dance child. So there we are on the main floor. Shea says she CANNOT wait and we rush to the next bathroom. She takes her time selecting from one of the 150 stalls until she finds the perfect one. Because she had a sucker in her mouth, I take it from her and put the stick end in mine to hold it while I take care of putting toilet paper on the seat for her and other things so her sucker doesn't get dirty. I know gross, but what else would I do with it? I get my hair all over it. I shut the stall door to wait for her to finish. Time goes by. Five whole minutes go by. I finally open the door to see Shea completely dressed and unpottied with one finger stuck in each ear. Apparently she was waiting for the next door neighbor to finish because she doesn't like the loud noise of the flush. Neighbor was taking a while. Shea gave up and we just washed her hands. And mine. And the sucker. There was no helping my sticky hair. Shea gets all excited about the motion sensored paper towel dispenser. So excited in fact that she's skipping out the door. She turns around to make sure I'm following and when she sees that I am, she turns right around and BAM! right into the water fountain. She took a spout to the chin. Bummer. It's time to go. And just when I feel we can't do any more damage, I walk out of the parking lot elevator slowly and unobservantly enough to let the doors close just in time for the lady helping two special needs adults in wheelchairs to not be able to catch it.

And this is why I don't leave the house. The end.


**to add insult to injury, the child didn't really need to go. not for hours.