Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Six A Stupid-M.

My brain feels really squishy, kinda like mush mud pie and my eyes are filled with a globbery goo.

6:00 a.m. is a fine time, really-- if you're an owl maybe or an insomniac

for me though, before the clock hits seven oh oh, I sorta just wanna shoot the owl and throw a mud pie at the insomniac. Or maybe Pete.

Good thing he was gone when I got up this morning.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Bountiful Baskets

Have you heard of Bountiful Baskets? It's a food co-op run by volunteers so you have to order a few days in advance, but you can get rock bottom prices on produce. I'm talking about .50 cents a pound! The catch is, you don't know exactly what you're getting until you get there. That wasn't a problem today!

I received apples, bananas, blackberries, a pineapple, tomatoes, red potatoes, spinach, celery, baby carrots, swiss chard, and a cantelope. Not a single thing our family wouldn't eat and it's about 30 lbs of fruit and veggies for $15 bucks! Not too bad I'd say! They also have add on's such as mexi veggies, tortillas, and whole grain breads and Peanut butter. I purchased 5 loaves of their 9 grain bread for $10. Not a huge savings if you're looking for cheap bread, but if you love the healthy expensive stuff like this then I saved between $5-8 dollars. Now all I need is a few days worth of meat to barbecue and my groceries are set. I love easy food!


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

"Oh, Hail"

Just when you start settling in for a good rain storm watching, all hail breaks loose.

3 minutes this storm a'brewed, and this is what it left me:

I love watching rainstorms. But I really, really hate hail. Mostly I just hate when my kids cry because its so stinkin' loud, they can't nap, and especially when it leaves creepy clown smiles on my window. I hate that.

Does this not say creepy clown smile to you? ^^^^^^^
It must be intentional because although it isn't a good shot, if you'll notice the window pane next to this one is completely free and clear of any ice, but this one is ice covered except for this mad-happy contortion.

April Creepy Fools everyone! Mwahahaha

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Nope. Not In the Loop

When I was younger my dad absolutely REFUSED to do any sort of errands that weren't "in the loop"
That meant he would plan out a route to do our Saturday or Christmas shopping by driving in a counter or clockwise motion until we had stopped everywhere we needed to. If something was outside of this "loop" it would not be done. If we realized we had forgotten something at a store we had stopped at before, it would not be shopped for. That was it. No second chances.

I grew up very anti "loop". It's very limiting. No woman decides she wants to buy something without checking out at least two other stores first. It's flat out against the woman code. There was nothing more frustrating than knowing that although a store was less than two minutes away, because it was a little too much to the left, I would have to get him to drive me to that store on another day.

Sometimes you are given things you don't want. Such as underwear on Christmas morning. Or a box of used knives for your wedding, or maybe shots at the doctor. Or crazy genes from your Pop.


Now that I drive, I HATE left turns. Hate them. When living in Salt Lake, I would do just about anything to get out of a left turn. Even, yes. . . . loop. I know, ridiculous ain't it? But drivers of cars are crazy, and there's lots of them, cars I mean, and they are going both directions, and who really wants to be bothered with looking both left and right before cautiously creeping onto a street? No one, that's who. Especially when it is just as effective, albeit slightly more time consuming, to drive around the block and avoid the left hand turn.

Where I live now is nice. Left hand turns are less crazy. Mostly you just need to watch out for skunks and antelope. They hang around the left and the right sides so, I'm warming a bit to the the thought of going left. It's not like I'm prejudiced about turning left, it's more of an affection for all things right.

I can't help who I am. Genes are genes, loop or not. Grass is greener on the right side of the fence. Just look at my neighbor's house.

Okay I'm babbling now, but I suppose what I'm looking for is a little "I despise left hand turns too Jodi, you're not crazy. . . it's completely normal." Or even, "I don't do loops, but every fourteenth step, I have an urge to hop" or something like that.

Some little words like those would be very welcome.

Thursday, April 15, 2010


I'm writing a book. It's called Jocabulary. I feel it's necessary since I just came up with another brilliant quote, and I feel if this is going to be happening regularly, I better get my copywrites into a book early so no one can steal my stuff.
I was talking to Andrew last night and we were reminiscing and throwing out a lot of "coulda, woulda, shoulda's" . (I think that one is already taken). I finally got fed up with it and demanded:

"You know what?! All of that could have happened and it didn't. Sometimes you just gotta eat what's in front of ya."

It just came out. I didn't even pre-think it or anything.

"You know Andrew, It could have been a cheesecake, but it's just green beans. You have to eat it anyway."

Dead. On.

Sometimes you just gotta eat what's in front of ya
--Jodi Burnett

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

It Isn't Easy Growing Up Green

Me: Shea you are growing up so big!

Shea: Nooo! I don't want to get big!!

Me: Why not?

Shea: Because I don't want to turn green!!

Slightly offended, I started to explain to her that although when I growed up I did lose a lot of my olive complexion and start to turn more of a pasty white/blotchy lavendar color, I was certainly not green. And there's nothing wrong with purple blotches, she likes polka dots doesn't she? There's nothing to be afraid of because I turned out alright didn't I?

She cocked her head to the side, not seeming fully convinced.

Shea: Because when I grow up, a meteorite hits and then turns me green and then I grow up really really tall

Ah, yes. Monsters vs. Aliens. Such a classic. Susan gets hit by a meteorite on her wedding day, turns green, then grows into a not so scary giant. If you don't allow your children the privilege of wasting away in front of the tube and it seems to you that this is obviously a case of too much t.v. for my child, think of this:

Does your four-year old know the word meteorite?

I didn't think so. But more importantly:

Does your four-year old know that when they are hit with a meteorite, they turn green, then grow up into not so scary giants?

That's what I thought.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Blueberry Swamp

Shea is terrified of Shrek. She is afraid of his "green body" so when she sees him on the T.V. she covers her ears and closes her eyes, and gives off this high pitched siren/raptor squeal-scream. It pierces the ear, but is extremely effective since Shrek is swiftly removed whenever the blood curdling banshee sound is released.

Imagine my suprise when the scream normally reserved for Shrek was heard this morning after her seeing the special saturday homemade breakfast I made for her.

(Clearly these are blueberry muffins)

Wooowee kids! We are havin' ourselves a breakfast this mornin'!! Bring out yur spoons, and dig in!!

I think the scream was a bit of an overreaction. The extra burnt sunken in tops just add a fun swamp like twist to breakfast, and they only sort of tasted like fish. Nothing like Shrek. So I told her, if she acts so unappreciative, Mommy's not going make these nice homemade breakfasts from scratch anymore, and then she'll just have to stick to cold cereal.

That will teach her.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Life is Like the Spinny Thingy

I was vacuuming out my car today. Productive, I know. I had the little hand tool attachment out and was on my way to a clean car when I came across some jelly beans on a seat. What's this? My kids know better than to eat candy in the car! They would never ever do that!! Okay, maybe they did. The point is, there was a jelly bean. When using the vacuum hand tool, with the little swivel spinny thingy, everyone knows you shouldn't vacuum up anything larger than a crumb because it will either get stuck and slow down the spin or just fly right back out.

Today I was lazy working very quickly and didn't want to shut off the vacuum, and disengage the hand tool, just to vacuum up the few jelly beans. I also found the garbage can to be too far away to adequately throw them away without completely screwing up my awesome cleaning groove. If you saw my awesome swiping motion with vacuum, you would completely agree with me: not a crumb left.

Anyway, you're leading me away from my point. I decided to seize the moment and vacuum up those suckers knowing full well the risks involved could cause me more time later (I'm such a rebel). You know what?! The spinny thingy got stuck. Made a horrid noise too.

With the vacuum still on full power, I flipped the spinny tool around so I could assess the situation, and make sure nothing was broken. Since the spinner was completely stopped, I carefully lifted it closer to my eyes to peek in. Wouldn't you know it?

The spinny thingy suddenly came full speed ahead and the pesky jelly bean flew straight out and whacked me right in the eye.

That's when it hit me. Both the jellybean and the life changing metaphor:

Life is like the Spinny Thingy.

It goes crazy fast and if you don't take time to slow down and take care of the little things, they may just come back and try to poke out your eye.

Now if I can just copywrite my brilliance so that whenever I see the quote splashed around the internet it can read:

Life is like the Spinny Thingy.

It goes crazy fast and if you don't take time to slow down and take care of the little things, they may just come back and try to poke out your eye.
--Jodi Burnett

I think a byline makes me look so sophisticated. Yes?

Monday, April 5, 2010

A Lecture, a Lesson, and a Tulip

When cooking dinner, I get a lot of "ew, I don't like that Mom!" or "I don't want that!" and sometimes just plain "NOoooo's!" from my kids. Young picky eater's combined with my complete cluelessness with a spatula means I probably hear it more often than most. Today though, I HAD HAD IT! My girl's had been playing with friends for almost three hours, close to one hour longer than was allowed. I finally call over to my neighbor's house and am told they are on their way. I try not to be too hard on them when they are late, after all, they can't even tell time, but they are supposed to at least remember to ask their friends' mom's if they will tell them when it's time to go home. Madisen told me she forgot (convenient aye?), and I give a quick not-quite-lecture about the importance of coming home on time. When they follow me into the kitchen and see I'm cooking dinner, automatically the "I don't want's" and "ew's" come out in full swing.

"Out of My Kitchen!!" I demand. Sometimes it just gets that way right? A mother hen should feel appreciated by her little chicks every once in a while gosh darn it and today they better get ready to appreciate!!

Madisen start's out with a "but Mom, I "
"Nope, out"
"Mom, but I just"
"Nope, you were late, I just spent an hour cooking for you so you wouldn't be hungry, and I am not going to hear it tonight!"
the whine starts---> "No, but, Mom, just, I"
"No, I'm tired of this, you should learn to just say thank you for dinner, and eat it and I'm not going to put up with it tonight, so GET IN YOUR ROOM NOW!!"
tears rolling---> "but Mom (sob) I made this for you (sob) so you would be happy!!"

Do you ever get that feeling like you've been punched in the gut? I look at her hands holding out a little Popsicle stick with a blue construction paper flower and some random thread taped around it with "Mom" written in crayon. Ouch.

She was already running crying to her room when I recovered from the mom-shame. My daughter is forgiving. Thankfully. After a more gentle lecture than originally intended both Madisen and Shea came out to dinner a few minutes later officially humbled.

But not more than me.

Ah, that little one. This must be why the Lord sent me such a loving forgiving child. He knew I would need it when my temper and quick words get the best of me. I taped her flower to the computer monitor in a feeble attempt to make her see I appreciate it. After all, it is pretty darn sweet even if it did come with a hard lesson. Aren't little kid gifts the best?

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Quirky Food Fights

My kids are quirky. It's quite possibly Andrew's fault. They have issues with what they will allow themselves to eat. Pete still does not allow his foods to touch each other on his plate. Maybe he's afraid they will fight. Either way I've decided my next two examples are obviously directly descended from Andrew's blood pool.

I served the boy pizza tonight for dinner. He kept picking up his piece and then dropping it and crying. It almost looked like he didn't like the thought of his hands getting messy in the sauce. He was so frustrated I decided I would help him out by lifting the pizza to his mouth for him. Still he would cry and push it away. Dumfounded, I turn to Pete for help and he looks at me as if I'm missing something big here. He takes the pizza, flips it upside down so the sauce is out of view, and the boy picks it up and happily munches away. "He always eats it upside down, you didn't know that?"

Nope. I'm the idiot.

This next example happened last week in the car, and thankfully you all know I'm not one to pick on Pete or I might tell you, that again , this directly reflects Father parenting. I would never tell you that.

Madisen to Shea:

Q:Why are you're toenails all short and gone away?

A: Oh, because I eated them.

Don't you find it odd that one of my children will happily munch on something he found stuck to the bottom of his shoe and not bat an eye, but cannot stand to place pizza in his mouth unless placed precisely in the right way?

Don't you also find it odd that another one of my children refuses to eat ice cream, but has found a way to become self sufficient by eating parts of her body? I would never point fingers, but for the record, I am decidedly weird-food-quirk free, where Pete is afraid of a battle against lasagna and a cucumber. Just sayin'