How To Decorate Christmas Tree
Step One: Kick self in bottom for promising children a fun night of decorating Christmas tree on same night husband is sick on couch.
Step Two: Plaster smiles and start anyway with cheery Christmas tunes in background
Step Three: Set up fake Christmas tree
Step Four: Take down fake Christmas tree, so you can set it back up correctly.
Step Five: Instruct children to help fluff tree so that although, you know, I know, and the neighbors know it's a fake tree, we can all pretend we're fooling someone.
Step Six: Keep fluffing
Step Seven: Keep Fluffing
Step Eight: Ignore complaints from children of too much fluffing. Check Plastered Smile.
Step Nine: Fluff again.
Step Ten: Decide the fake look isn't all that bad and quit fluffing before you reach the back.
Step Eleven: Carefully open delicate ornaments so children can thoughtfully adorn tree.
Step Twelve: Turn around to happily help place an ornament on tree.
Step Thirteen: Disguise bad word you were going to say as something else after you see that during the 30 seconds you were turned around your living room turned into a dangerous mine of colorful glass orbs, and sharp loose hooks. (must have been the one year old)
Step Fourteen: Realize you've lost one year old. Realize bare feet were not the best idea. Grab shoes, Grab one year old from inside of tree.
Step Fifteen: Rearrange face so it barely passes as a smile.
Step Sixteen: Ooh, and Aah, over how beautiful the large cluster of ornaments looks on the otherwise tall and bare tree.
Step Seventeen: Grab one year old from inside of tree. Clean up broken glass orb he used as a baseball. Hope frustrated curled lip is observed as a smile. Spend a few minutes helping children spread out ornaments so they are evenly spaced top to bottom.
Step Eighteen: Place Star on top of Christmas tree. Stand back so star doesn't bend back down and whack you in the forehead like it did a few moments previous. Grab one year old
Step Nineteen: Wake up husband for the initial lighting.
Step Twenty: Ooh, and Aah over finished product. Ignore the bottom half of the tree that is now naked due to the one year old.
Step Twenty One: Place one year old in bed. Grab Pepsi. Smile.
7 comments:
Tis the Season!! These experiences will be MUCH funnier to you when you are a Grandma---the smile will be genuine then!! Mom Lori
I believe you forgot step 22. That is give up and remove all ornaments until youngest child is five.
You know what's funny about this? I thought I had my tree decorated pretty good, it looked cute. In fact, I thought I had my whole living room looking cute with my red Christmasy rug, the tree, the garland, and all the Christmas stuff. Music on, fire burning in the fireplace setting a wonderful ambiance. Then...... Jodi came in with that one year old, and the three year old, and the five year old...... Suddenly my living room was filled with legos, the tv was on with the Flinstone's Christmas Carol, and all the decorations were moved to the top of my little tree. Christmas just wouldn't be the same without kids!
That is awesome Jodi I love your blog and miss you. We have been sick and busy like crazy.
Michelle
HA HA HA!!! I laugh because that's just about the same way it went at my house...
Well said. Well said. :)
I have one of those same trees...naked bottom. Seems there is a pattern here about nakedness.
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