Saturday, June 5, 2010

Joe Schmoe Stalker Mosquito

So, I am all happy about summer arriving and all that, but ever since the sun started shining on my house we have been stalked by an overgrown mosquito. Don't get me wrong, I like bugs just as much as the next woman, but this guy is enormous. Kinda like the size of my head, and then maybe even a little larger. I don't like him by my back door, I've told him this, but that's just the way stalker bugs are. They truly don't care about my feelings.
Every time I open my back door at night giant stalker mosquito does his best to flap his eagle wings and get right in my face. Last week, he ended up in the house. What he didn't realize is that I have a secret weapon. . . Madisen is excellent at "shooing" bugs the door. He's getting trickier though. Today it's afternoon time. That's like 7 hours before we even turn on his favorite porch light. That's why I didn't see it coming. I stepped outside without a thought and BAM! Right on my ear. He had me. I could hear him buzzing his "ha-ha's" into my ear canal. It didn't last long though. I couldn't squish this guy, not unless I wanted his gooey bug juice globbering down my face. Thankfully I have been blessed with girly reflexes and my jerky-squeal-wiggle was enough to get him to buzz off--onto my pants. This time it took a little more of the jerk, a little less wiggle, and a mad dash to the house before I lost him. I don't know what to do about this guy. It's obvious one of us has to go, and we haven't even lived in our house a year yet so I think we would lose money if we sold. So that means it has got to be him. If you've ever seen Monty Python, you would say, "obviously Jodi, a machete is the best tool for the job". But this isn't your average Joe-shmoe-mosquito.

The problem is, I haven't been able to find a bazooka on clearance.

2 comments:

rmanni23 said...

Have you checked Ebay? Or you could give Meggan a call and see if the army has any overstock in the artillary dept. Just a thought. I guess if none of that pans out, you could try throwing a burning hot pot holder at him, that should do the trick.

Rachel said...

Those gianormous misquito looking things are actually mosquito hawks and they eat mosquitos. I say feed him and keep him around!